Knitting Hiatus

I have been having a hard time with knitting. Every time I knit I start missing people I'll probably not get to see again any time soon, and it saddens me. On the other hand, I am glad to have moved to a different place in my head, and enjoying more time with my family--it's been so much fun having both boys at home this summer. When I am not working, we have done a lot of fun stuff. One, I am teaching Beccano to drive (parent-led course). That leads to a lot of bonding. We are almost done, too! Two, we cleaned the heck out of my 55-gallon aquarium and are making it a much happier home for fishies. That is taking a while, but fish have lived there a whole month now without dying! And three (the big one) we re-did our kitchen! If you want to see the pictures, going from "before" to "after," go here. Here's the aquarium.

Aquarium before fish and before I put in more plants.

I have tried twice to get back on track with the shawl I am working on. I made a mistake on a transition row between patterns and just can't get the row right. I have ripped and ripped, and ripping double decreases leads to more issues. My plan, when I have a few hours to myself, is to put a marker between each repeat next time. And just stop and count EVERY repeat until I get that row right. Then I should be able to move on. But, I feel pretty incompetent to not be able to knit a perfectly straightforward pattern.

I did finish two pairs of socks since we last interacted. Here are the Flaming Desire socks and the Bruce socks that I finished.

Flaming Desire Socks in Pagewood Farm yarn.

Note that the tops differ. I like the one with more flame points, but not enough to re-knit them.

I have a picture of these on my feet, but it's on my other camera. These are Knitivity sock yarn.

Also, I have finished a pair that I hadn't even shown the start on. These are ankle socks in Panda Soy. I like the yarn a lot, though it likes to unravel itself and you have to take care to not split it. The fabric is really soft and has a wonderful feel. I look forward to wearing them next time I wear shoes that socks go with.

I need a better photo, but you get the idea. Generic toe-up socks, ankle length.

Yes, you read me right. I am not wearing socks this summer. I don't even want to LOOK at stuff I knitted. The only thing I have worn is my red cotton top that looks so nice you can't tell it was hand-made.

Don't worry. I'll be back to knitting and loving it again at some point. I've taken little breaks a couple of other times in my life. 18 years ago when I had small children, for example, I did a lot of needlepoint. Right now I am playing Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. That is totally NOT productive, and I don't recommend it.

I've started another simple pair of socks in some interesting Trekking yarn. It's a prototype of a colorway called Autumn Fire.

It is knitting up very pretty--mostly gray but with lovely spots of red and purple. I will try to show it when I have more to show.

I'd love to hear from any readers still hanging around. I have been getting a lot of spam comments, and I sure wish Blogger would block those!

Started Something!

It was a busy week for me with not much knitting time, but I did make some progress on the Flaming Desire sock. I am approaching the heel now.

But today my friend Carolyn came by to pick out yarn and a pattern for her special birthday gift. I told her I'd like to make her a shawl, since I make myself so many that I really don't need another one. We had fun looking at all my laceweight yarn and looking at some online, too.

She eventually picked out this yarn:

Jojoland Harmony, Colorway 06, Rainbow

I am happy to work with this yarn at last! Maybe my bad luck with laceweight will change, too. I am trying out using US size 4 needles, which are bigger than I used on my last couple of laceweight projects. We'll see if I like it slightly more airy.

Once we picked the yarn, we decided to go on Ravelry and see what shawls other people had made with it. That was a great way to choose. You could easily see which patterns were messed up by the yarn's color changes and which were enhanced by it. I ruled out a couple of patterns, like Icarus and Swallowtail, because I just didn't want to do them again. Once was plenty, thanks. So, we settled on the Vernal Equinox Surprise pattern that was  a popular knit-along last year. I remembered that a couple of people in my old knitting group had made it. I still see one of them, so I hope if I have an issue, Nancy will help me out! Hers was really pretty. It's a half-circle shawl with a lot of pattern changes, like most patterns that come out in "clues."

I hope I can handle it and that Carolyn will like it. It is good that I have two balls of the yarn, so I won't worry about running out! I started and think it looks good, though of course the first color in the skein was the least interesting one, tan. Hoping it gets more lively soon!

Sock It Again!

Well, with that shawl out of the way (and THANK you for all the public and private comments on Litla Dimun--it's already my work-horse shawl and was perfect for a damp day today), I am trucking along on socks, waiting for a friend to pick a pattern for me to knit her a shawl.

Here is the first finished Flaming Desire sock:

Note the "interesting" crenelated top. For some reason, I did not cast on loosely enough, and it was trying to eat my calf, even though it's a smaller calf than it was a few months ago! So, I spent a couple of hours tediously un-doing the cast=on last night, and today I re-did it as a crenelated cast off. I figure it gives the effect of smoke from the flames of the pattern. Sure it does, yeah.

This is not the greatest photo, but I only have a few minutes between things to do, so my Blackberry came to my rescue once again. Wait until I get a photo of it on my foot or feet when the second one is done. MMM. The flame effect looks best from the front or back.

I'm really happy with the pattern. I even now like my weird heel effect. That's good, since I have to do the second one just like this one! With two pairs of socks, each with one complete, I vow to get something to finished object status this week. We'll see how that goes--lots going on in my non-knitting life, ya know!

Since I only had one sock picture, here's another nice flower. This is an ornamental cabbage blooming in a barrel filled with dianthus. I guess the cabbage will have to go in a week or two, but it certainly produced a grand finale!

  

Odd Heel Flap Pattern and Some New Yarn

http://Yesterday I said I'd share some new yarn I've gotten in the past week or so, and I will, but first I thought I'd share what I have been doing on my Flaming Desire socks. Here is a phone photo of the first completed leg, on my arm in a Starbucks where I was waiting for someone who never appeared.

Flaming Desire, by Anne Hanson at Knitspot.

I sure think the pattern is pretty. And I do think it looks like flames. I have discovered that my usually stretchy-enough cast-on is a bit tight. To remedy that, I am considering un-doing the cast-on and putting stitches back on the needles, then doing a more stretchy bind-off. I might do the crenelated one that puts the fun large picots on, like smoke rising from the flames. I would welcome any other suggestions for a fun top to the sock. No one ever sees the tops of my socks anyway, so goofy seems like it would be OK.

When I got to the heel flap, Anne Hanson had recommended doing a version where the slipped stitches are on the wrong side of the heel. I felt creative, so decided to slip the stitches with the yarn in the back, which puts a horizontal bar across the right side. I was hoping it would make an interesting texture. Here's a slightly blurred image of what it looks like:

Tweedy Heel Flap

I find it a nice, tweedy effect and oddly different. I am sure a sock knitter who looks at them will say, "Hey, what's going on with your heel?" I am not thinking any of them would say, "Ooh, I will try this on my next sock," since it isn't that attractive, in my humble opinion. I don't know if I'd do it on a lot of other pairs of socks, but at least it's a change from the more usual heel flap choices (I do like flapped heels--slip stitch heels I can just never get to look the same on each side and that bugs me).

And Now for the New Yarn

I got what I think is the last shipment from the Intention Yarns club I was in. Two shipments were combined into one, and as usual, the instructions for what to do with them have not arrived in my email, so I have no clue what I am supposed to do with the roving they sent or the 200 yards of worsted weight yarn. I didn't take a picture of the roving, which I believe you are supposed to make felted prayer beads out of, but it is lovely, and I think I will try to use my drop spindle to make some yarn from it, with the help of Deana or Dawn or Suzanne. Or anyone willing to help for that matter.

Here's the worsted weight yarn. It is called "Friendship," and is 50% alpaca, 30% merino and 20% silk. It feels heavenly, as you would predict, and really is a lovely, ethereal semi solid silver. I am thinking it wants to be fingerless mitts or a cabled hat. I saw a hat that my friend Ray designed that might be good in a lovely soft yarn (the Double Entendre hat on this page). But, I really need a hat with ear coverings...realizing most of them are not pretty--maybe a nice color would mitigate that.

I also got two new sock yarn colors from Knitivity. I ordered them so fast that I got the prototypes--go me. It's nice to be able to order new yarn again, though I am knitting so slowly these days that I have to slow down the acquisition! The first yarn I got is called "Equinox" and was based on a photo of a sunset. I also think it looks a bit like flames.

The second color is something I'm surprised he hadn't done before, being a Texas dyer, "Bluebonnets." I do already have a sock yarn in a bluebonnet colorway, but this one has more shadings of blue and green, and less white, so it looks more like actual bluebonnets (which, by the way, are incredibly beautiful this year in central Texas after the wet winter).

Both of these are in Ray's sturdy superwash wool/nylon yarn base that I think will make perfect basic socks to WEAR and not dwell on a fancy pattern with. Sigh, that reminds me I need to finish the other pair of socks I am working on, for my sister. They are in Knitivity yarn in a simple pattern. I think I'll finish the orange ones and crank those others out, too. What a good knitting citizen I am.

[Additional note: I did not know this at the time I was writing this blog post, but if you head off and buy something at Knitivity, and mention my name, I will get a discount on a future purchase. Of course, if you heard about them from someone else, mention them, and they will get a discount! Discounts are good.]

I'm off to block Litla Dimun, so perhaps the next post will have a real FO photo of that project.

A Lumpy Finished Object

I took the Litla Dimun to a women's group meeting on Thursday and suddenly, I was finished with it! It really did go faster and faster toward the end there. Here's a picture of it in its unblocked, lumpen state:

Litla Dimun Shawl in Undyed American Shetland Wool.

After seeing how big it came out and looking at my picture, I decided that, even though I have enough yarn left over to do it, I am not going to add a border. I think the elegant simplicity of the borders and gusset lace is just enough. It is also going to be a great size to keep in the office to wear when the air conditioning has gone crazy on me.

I can't block this until tomorrow, since we may have overnight guests who will want to use the blocking surface...er...guest bed. That's OK, it will give me something else to blog about, right?

Tomorrow I will have some new yarn to show you. Blogger's photo uploader doesn't like me again, so I am not going to try to deal with the photos today!

I am happily back knitting on my Flaming Desire socks. I am enjoying how nice and big the chart is, and how quickly rows go. It's nice to get back to socks. I have so many socks I want to knit, especially one based on those Russian mitten patterns--I better get a move on! Plus, I am going to make a friend a special birthday shawl. OOOOOH, that will be fun.

Have a fun weekend, and enjoy your holiday if you are celebrating one of them this weekend!

Crushed Blossoms

(Skip this blog post if you don't want to read about someone sad about how things have turned out and beating herself up for her flaws. I won't mind if you do.)

Yesterday may well go down as one of the worst days of my knitting life. For so many reasons, but primarily for this. I was at the LYS, and after chatting, having some banana bread and such, I reached into my knitting bag to pick up the Rosebud Shawl. I was pretty happy to have finished the center panel of rosebuds and got a start on the borders, with correctly placed markers to get the corners right. Then, I saw what you see below.

I don't know what did this. I have a couple of guesses--one marker was not a smooth, wonderful Entrelac marker, but was one with a dangle on it. The yarn had gotten caught in that, but when I removed the one strand in there, it seemed to be fine. This hole has at least three strands of broken yarn in it, more like something cut it. No clue what could have done it. One idea put forward was moths, but if that were the case, I would have seen it sooner--there was no hole the day before.

I was surprised and dismayed at how sad it made me to see that irreparable hole in the shawl. It flashed through my mind how many mistakes I had fixed in it, how hard it had been to unravel those rows and get the lace back on the needles, how carefully I'd had to re-attach the two dropped stitches that I had found. Through all those trials, I still was able to use my skills to keep the project going. But, there is nothing I can do to fix the hole, which was in the FIRST repeat of the lace pattern.

Worse is that I reacted really poorly when it was suggested that it was just knitting, nothing really important. My gut reaction was that, yes, it WAS something important to me. I now realize that I was so upset because knitting was pretty much the ONLY part of my life where I felt like I had a bit of a handle on things--that I was competent enough to control and have some mastery over.

As you may know, I have had to deal with a series of employment situations where no matter how good I worked, I had to leave and find something else. I'd really not expected the most recent one--no matter how well I have been doing or how much my coworkers like me, circumstances beyond my control reach out and bop me on the head. This has now happened 4 times since 2006. It's been the same with relationships--I'd trusted that my ex would take care of our family so that I could take the risk of being an at-home parent, and tried so hard to be a good wife and mother, even taking up my husband's hobbies and losing a bunch of weight. But still, I could not be someone else, and I was left to try to figure out another future. I had tried really hard to set up a safe environment in the job I had for over a decade, but again, I could not control things and protect myself and others, leaving me to try to figure out a new career in mid life.

These are the kind of thoughts that have been going on in my mind the past few months. That I am sort of adrift with no plan and no security and nothing I can do to help it. I am so glad I at least have my husband, who has employment and still does care about me--but I worry something could happen to him. Great. None of this has a thing to do with knitting, but when I lost control of that, all the sadness about all the other things welled up inside me. I really got upset, handled the huge rush of sadness very poorly, and now I figure I'll never be welcome at the yarn shop again.

I hadn't cried in months other than a bit when my son went off to college. I'd been trying very hard to remain optimistic and up-beat when I could, and neutral otherwise. Some folks can be sarcastic, snarky and pick at people for their flaws and others just chalk it up to "that's the way she/he is." I know that has never worked with me--any time I have let negative stuff slip out of me, I have paid for it and paid for it hard. This is no exception. I got all my pent-up stuff out of me yesterday!

I need to surround myself with people who can listen and understand that once in a great while I might get upset, who can accept apologies that are sincere, and who can try to understand when something really is important to me. So, I'll be moving on. I really AM sorry I over-reacted and upset people. No one wants to publicly embarrass themselves and upset others, or to lose any chance of friendship with people they like a lot. For me, it just confirms my already not-so-hot self image, to top it all off. But, it's not about me, really. I just don't want to make other people feel bad, so I am not happy with myself at all.

The reason I am sharing this stuff is that I want to once again apologize for not living up to my own standards, and to ask any local folks who read this and want to stay in touch to please be my Facebook or Ravelry friend and remain in contact. I'd love to do stuff with any of you who want to remain my friend!

And now, back to knitting, which helps keep me centered, and will always be my friend, even though unforeseen circumstances can cause knitting heartache!

Move on Breathe, and Regroup

Because of not being able to work on the project I'd thought I'd spend the weekend on, I did manage to finish one repeat of the Flaming Desire socks. This is a GREAT pattern, as far as I am concerned. It is hard enough to keep my interest, but easy enough to not need a huge amount of concentration. I think it will look more like flames once I have completed the second repeat. I still like the Pagewood Farm Chugiak yarn and will enjoy knitting up the other skeins I have. I am not a fanatic about it, but I like the stitch definition and the variety of semi-solid colorways.


After that rather overwhelmingly unpleasant experience with trying to re-start a hibernating project, I decided that I would not get back to work on the Maelstrom shawl, but instead start something comforting and more easy. You may remember that a few months ago I bought some naturally gray two-ply laceweight yarn from American Shetland sheep. I had thought of making a Faroese-style shawl from it, so I looked through my resources and picked the Litla Dimun (Ravelry link) shawl from the Folk Shawls book by Cheryl Oberle. This shawl starts out from the long edge and grows smaller. Thus, what you see is a bit of the long edge. So far, it is just garter stitch and some decreases. After 12 ridges, a lovely lace border begins. It feels good to work with the yarn, which is called Natural Shetland Rustic Lace. It is indeed rustic, crunchy, even. This is, of course, what you expect from Shetland yarn.


Depending on how big this shawl turns out to be, I might just add a border to the edge. It is a bit small when made to gauge, which I think is what I am doing. With size 4 needles I am getting about 4 stitches per inch.

I may not post much for a while--I am feeling pretty vulnerable, sad, and like maybe I am not really a part of the knitting community. I will continue to read other people's blogs and such. I enjoy hearing how others are doing too much to not read! Thankfully, my work does start again tomorrow, so that huge amount of stress and worry will lift.

Happy knitting and remember the Golden Rule.